Humans are hardwired to find comfort in any way that they can. If necessary, they will turn to drugs or alcohol to numb the pain of physical, emotional or other forms of abuse heaped on them by a friend, family member or spouse. Even those who may not otherwise be predisposed to addictive behavior may succumb to the escape that getting drunk or high may bring. Let’s take a closer look at how toxic relationships can lead to addiction and what you can do to break the cycle.
What Is a Toxic Relationship?
A toxic relationship is one in which an individual is unable to be themselves. Any attempt to express a viewpoint counter to those expressed by a partner, friend or family member is met with ridicule or worse, sometimes including belittlement and constant criticism. Over time, a victim may try to dissociate or take other steps to mentally remove themselves from a situation that they can’t physically escape, often feeling like they’re walking on eggshells.
There are many signs of a toxic relationship that may be evident to those outside of it. For instance, you may notice that a friend’s new partner controls the way that she dresses or how he spends his money, showing signs of possessiveness. You might also notice that a family member forbids your friend or partner from wearing certain clothing at home or expressing views outside of that family’s preferred religious ideology, showing a lack of respect for their individuality.
In many cases, what might be evident to you isn’t so apparent to the person in the relationship. In fact, you may be in a toxic relationship right now without realizing it even as you chastise others for being with those who don’t treat them right. This is because it’s easy to rationalize the behavior of those we think love or care about us, especially if they are a narcissist who excels at manipulation.
Victims of abuse may also fall into a trap called the sunk cost fallacy. This means that they don’t want to leave a relationship out of fear that the time put into it will be wasted. However, the truth is that it’s always best to leave a relationship if it causes you to drink, use drugs or engage in other risky behaviors. Prioritizing your well-being includes setting boundaries and insisting on mutual respect in all your relationships. It’s important to recognize that healthy relationships involve quality spending time together, not control.
Why Do Victims Turn to Drug or Alcohol Use?
Victims of abuse turn to drugs or alcohol in an effort to numb the emotional or physical pain caused by their abusers. In some cases, addictions begin because individuals in toxic relationships are forced to use by their friends, family members or partners, demonstrating a clear lack of support. This is especially prevalent in abusive relationships, where control is a key factor.
Typically, alcohol or other drugs help to alleviate the anxiety that a person might otherwise feel around their abusers. This may make it easier to sleep at night or easier to deal with comments or other actions meant to belittle an addict’s appearance or overall life choices, highlighting the devastating impact of emotional abuse and verbal abuse. These are common tactics within an abusive behavior pattern.
In fact, your doctor or other medical professional may prescribe sleeping pills or other medications designed to help with anxiety or depression. However, over time, it may not be possible to get the desired relief without a higher and higher dose. Eventually, a victim desperate for quick results may snort or take their medication in ways that aren’t prescribed to enhance their effect.
It’s crucial to understand that substance use is often a symptom of deeper issues, particularly within unhealthy romantic relationships or any other type of relationship. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, reaching out to the national domestic violence hotline can provide vital support and resources. Remember, fulfilling relationships are built on respect and safety, not fear and control. If you feel you are in an abusive relationship seeking help is paramount.
Signs That a Relationship Is Toxic
Although the phrase “toxic” is a somewhat subjective one, there are clear signs of toxicity that indicate you might be in an unhealthy relationship. For instance, if your partner forbids you from seeing friends or family members, it may be an attempt to isolate and control you. This is one of the key red flags to watch out for. If you aren’t allowed to work, earn money or have your own bank account, that may be another attempt to make you reliant on another person, a common tactic of a toxic partner.
The goal is to ensure that you don’t have the financial means or confidence to leave that relationship. Ultimately, your abuser wants you to believe that only he or she cares about you and that no one else will be there if you choose to leave. These are classic toxic behaviors.
Of course, the truth is that at least some of your close friends, family members and others will likely be there to support you if you want out of a toxic relationship. Recognizing these warning signs and acting on them is crucial. They will also likely support you in your quest to get sober, understanding the impact of toxic people on your life. Recognizing these toxic relationship signs is the first step to freedom.
Steps for Overcoming Addictions Caused by Toxic Relationships
The first step to overcoming an addiction for any reason is to acknowledge that you have a problem. It’s imperative to then seek help because you can’t overcome an addiction on your own, and this is especially true if you have people in your life who are actively trying to bring you down. This acknowledgment is the beginning of self-awareness, a crucial part of recovery.
Fortunately, there are multiple rehab options in your area and throughout the United States. For example, you could choose to engage in outpatient rehab in your hometown or travel to another state to engage in an inpatient program. Generally speaking, inpatient programs are geared for those who need help detoxing or who want to spend time isolated from the rest of the world, allowing them to focus on their own life and recovery.
Outpatient programs are geared toward those who simply need help maintaining their sobriety. They may also be necessary for those who need medicine or other substances administered on their behalf. However, for the most part, you’ll attend meetings and take other steps to prevent yourself from relapsing, fostering a sense of control and self-worth.
Inpatient and outpatient programs will typically offer individual or group therapy as part of their overall services. It may be worthwhile to engage in individual therapy to learn how to cope with both your past abuse as well as your addiction, addressing potential low self-esteem and building healthier coping mechanisms. Group therapy may provide you with a venue to talk through problems with a parent, friend or other person who may have triggered your addiction, facilitating personal growth.
Of course, you have no obligation to engage with those who have caused you harm. It’s also acceptable to avoid talking to those who you feel won’t make a good faith effort to change their ways or who may simply use therapy as a way to trigger your insecurities. Prioritizing your self-care by setting these boundaries is essential for your well-being and rebuilding your self-esteem.
How to Protect Yourself After Leaving Rehab
The 30 to 60 days that you’ll likely spend in an inpatient facility may be the easiest part of your recovery in some ways. This is because you’ll have a chance to focus on yourself without feeling judged or as if others are trying to get in the way of your peace and emotional well-being.
However, there are things that you can do after getting out of rehab that can set you up for long-term success, particularly in maintaining your mental health. For instance, you can create boundaries with those who have hurt you in the past. These boundaries could include no longer speaking or otherwise communicating with an abuser, prioritizing your emotional safety. You may also decide that you aren’t going to speak with those who defend your abuser or are otherwise unsympathetic to your situation, recognizing the impact on your emotional energy.
It’s critical to understand that boundaries are simply guidelines that you establish for yourself to protect your well-being. You cannot control the behavior of others or try to impose your views on others simply because they are in conflict with your own.
You can also choose to avoid places that might trigger your addiction such as your childhood home, a local bar or an apartment complex where you used to party with colleagues. This can minimize the risk of seeing, smelling or otherwise remembering something associated with your past that might lead to an intense desire to use again, which can greatly impact both physical health and mental health.
Finally, you should get a sponsor who will work with you when you’re feeling tempted to use, providing crucial emotional support. This person can be a friend, family member or simply another person who understands what you are going through. Your sponsor will hold you accountable and make sure that you have the resources necessary to do so. If you are struggling with your mental health it is also important to seek professional help from a mental health professional. Going to group meetings can also be a great way to build a sense of community and a support network that can help you when times get tough, further contributing to your overall well-being.
Conclusion
If you are in need of help getting past addiction caused by toxic relationships or any other reason, particularly if you’ve experienced manipulation or gaslighting, contact Recreate Behavioral Health right now. We also encourage friends and loved ones of those dependent on drugs or alcohol to get in touch with us to learn how they can help. Reaching out will help individuals learn more about services, how to pay for services and how to enroll. We’re standing by right now to help and are looking forward to providing the assistance that you need.
